Valentine’s…
Another memo about my failure as an adult. At the warehouse I’m working lots of the package and merch are hearts, plushies, and similar heart shaped stuff, plus some Xmas decorations for some fucking reason…
Is there any way to escape it? I guess not. I probably wouldn’t think too much about it if I was younger but since last week was my bday ready to remind me that I’m getting old… This back to back just crushes me.
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You did escape it.
I don’t know any long-term couples who have not been cheated on. Straight people especially.
As a culture we are expected to find a partner, and feel like failures if we don’t.
Because people are fucking idiots.
As a culture we used to expect angry people to use leeches to remove blood, or perform exorcisms on people that were mentally ill.
Fuck those expectations. Cultural attitudes can be wrong.
You didn’t fail, you avoided anguish. Being single is far, far better than being stuck with someone because you felt like you had to.
I am married, and we don’t care at all about either of these holidays. I don’t think that participation should be an indicator of success.
I understand. It’s true that you can’t pin all your happiness onto a hypothetical person, or even a real one, but it’s also hard to be happy when you’re lonely. Sometimes I do the things that used to make me happy and just wish I had a friend to do them with.
I guess that doesn’t help much, I just want you to know someone gets it. And Valentine’s Day doesn’t help because marketing is inescapable, and marketers want you to have a partner to buy their cheap heart-shaped shit for, so the result is that it makes lonely people like us hyper aware of our loneliness.
I do hope you find happiness and fulfillment, in whatever form it takes, not just the one that’s expected of us.
Depends on how “old” you think is old. I turned 55, and I use to think 35 was “getting old.”
But that’s not old. But you are NEVER to old to change your life. I didn’t get my first degree until last year at age 54.
I was able to retire last month. So even tho 55 sounds old, in retirementland, it’s young.
Write your own story, be the hero of your story, regardless of age. Fuck ageism.
Unless it’s politics. Fucking politicians need to stop being politicians at age 60!
Is it a failure, though?
Do you desire closeness, or do you want to fit into societal script?
Relationships ain’t all shine and rainbows, and while they certainly contain nice experiences like these, all those hearts and butterflies, they are not a constant bliss, and many people in relationships actually crave some more time alone, of which you have plenty.
That said, I understand how lonely it may feel, and am with you. If you actually want it, you’ll get it, I promise. Some people find their love at 20, some at 40, some at 60 - it’s alright. But if you’re only driven by the fear of missing out or societal pressure to live by the script - leave it, it’s not worth it.
